Short description on the spine:

The better part of the book describes my childhood, my youth and my growing up in the GDR.

Then came the “Transition“, I separated from my despotic husband and I began a life in freedom – with no meanness or lovelessness.

Unfortunately, I then met several, very different men with whom I was never happy either. And back it was – sadness and the longing for a happy relationship.

It really wasn’t easy for me to survive being raped, sexually assaulted, attempting suicide and finally – being diagnosed with psychosis and not to go under in the course of it all. I voluntarily spent one month in a psychiatric clinic to obtain help.

At the end of the book, you can find some experiences with angels. I also describe how I became involved in spiritual healing, how God spoke to me and you can learn a little about my work as a spiritual healer.

The entire book covers the period between 1967 and 2010. It is an autobiography, slightly inspired by esotericism meaning that everything written is true. This book has been written in large writing especially for those, who have problems reading.

This autobiography was written with an ironical wink of the eye. There’s a lot to laugh about but also a lot of heart-touching moments.

Price: 7,95 EUR

Number of pages: 76

ISBN 978-3-8423-3031-3

Translated from the German language by Karen Baierl

Ralf

Where did I get to know him? In the disco obviously. There wasn’t lot happening because it was Wednesday and there was never much happening on Wednesdays. I had sat down and was drinking a “Green Widow”. Then I was asked to dance and I went with him. He wasn’t my kind of guy, but you can dance anyway. After that, he wanted to invite me to a drink but I politely declined. Then I went into the bar and ordered another drink. Then I saw him: Ralf. He was a friend of the guy who had asked me to dance. He smiled at me with a grin as sweet as candy. I believe that if he hadn’t had ears, he would’ve smiled around his whole head. I smiled back and then we went to dance. He had a suit on. That simply looked great.

The two of them took me home, too and then he said that he was married. Not that as well! That was the end of that for me, but he told me that his wife hadn’t slept with him for ages. Anyone can say that. I said: “Forget it. I don’t get involved in marriages!” Then he took me in his arms and kissed me so wildly that I couldn’t take a breath. I said: “OK, we’ll see each other next weekend!” Then I suddenly remembered that I was expecting a visitor. I had got to know a very nice man from Peine through an advertisement, who wanted to go to the disco with me on Saturday. He had been at my place before and it was wonderful. We had sat in a beer garden, drank wine and had a splendid conversation with each other. Now he was due to come and sleep in the living room whilst I slept with Sabrina in her room. He was already on his way and I didn’t know how to break it to him gently that I had fallen in love with someone else. He was late because he was in a traffic jam and I told him it was a bit embarrassing for me, but I couldn’t go out with him because I had fallen in love with someone else. I could see he was disappointed and I offered him to stay overnight after the long jour- ney anyway. But he preferred to drive straight back home.

After I had managed that, Ralf was very pleased because he had parked his car in hiding because he was jealous. He wanted to be certain that he drove back to Peine. The issue with his wife was a real catastrophe. He was at my place very often. One day, his wife’s parents were at my door. My mother answered the door.

Ralf wasn’t there but they wanted to talk to me. They told my mother that I was destroying this beautiful marriage. And I shouted down from upstairs that she was doing that herself by not sleeping with him. Then the father said: “Our daughter is sick, that’s why she can’t.” Yet, Ralf would know about that, wouldn’t here? That was just a lame excuse. All of a sudden, he called me a whore who only had one thing in mind. That got too much even for my mother and she said: “We don’t have to take this from you!” And she closed the door. Ralf moved in with me under the condition that we would look for our own apartment. As Silke was my best friend, I invited her to go to the disco with us. She was supposed to sleep in Sabrina’s room with her. At the beginning, it was very funny and nice until the two of them started to flirt with each other intensively. Then they kissed each other, pretty intensely from what one could see and I just wanted to go home. I was heartbroken, but he didn’t give me the key. I left anyway and the two of them called from behind me: “A friendly kiss can do no harm…” I arrived at home.

Jackie – our Giant Schnauzer bitch – barked and I sat down on one of the steps outside the front door because I didn’t want to get anybody up so late. And I cried my eyes out. All of a sudden, the door opened and Dad was standing there. All I thought was that he’d start scolding me right away. But he just stroked my hair lovingly and said: “Come in, little one!” I went straight up to my apartment, but of course, I couldn’t sleep. All I could think about was what the two of them were up to right now. Then they arrived. You couldn’t overhear it and they were getting worked up about my behaviour. I could hear it right into the room next door.

I was at the end of my tether. When things turned quiet in the kitchen, I went over because I wanted to talk to him. He said he would leave if I didn’t apologize to her. I couldn’t believe it at first and thought: ‘I’M supposed to apologize to HER because SHE kissed MY boyfriend?’ Strange logic that? I really loved him and he made the most of that. Because I was very scared of losing him, I quietly went into the children’s bedroom and apologized to her, for whatever reason. The next day, I took her to the bus. My mother said: “I saw that coming. She’s jealous!” She knew more than I did! When I saw her again at school, she told me that she was jealous of me because I could have ten German men at my beck and call, and only foreigners wanted her. I didn’t know that she thought that way and I could understand her. Once, after school, we went to the Marietta Bar in Magdeburg and she met a few acquaintances there – Turks. We drank coffee and the one of them who had been talking to me the whole time suddenly said: “You’re so different to Silke, so decent and nice.”

I still didn’t see his point and asked why? He said: “Silke jumps into bed with everyone right away, everybody knows that!” He wanted me to be his girlfriend and I said that I had a boyfriend. He found that a pity. When I told Ralf that we had met some Turks who know Silke well, he said: “The foreigner slut should just leave you alone!” How some opinions change in the course of time.
The snogging wasn’t that long ago! All of a sudden he was making fun of her knock knees. She had them before, though! I’ll never make head or tail of men. Then the best employees of his insurance company were to be rewarded by being given a trip to Thailand. Thailand, sex tourism is what raced through my mind. Wild horses couldn’t drag me there! I desperately tried to dissuade him from going. But he stood firm. The day of departure was getting closer and on that day, we were at a training course in Goslar. When we were driving home, I felt more and more sick. I was thinking about this terrible trip and I got worked up about it.

Then we were at home. And when getting out of the car, I noticed that I felt very dizzy, as if the ground below me was being swept away from under my feet. I collapsed right in front of the front door. My mother and Ralf helped me up and I lay down. I couldn’t calm myself down and was shaking all over. I did notice that, but I couldn’t stop it. Then a female doctor came and Sabrina wanted to help me and gave me a very firm hug and held onto me tightly. The doctor had to shout at her to get her to let me go. Then she injected a strong tranquilizer. My mother told me later that I had suffered a huge nervous breakdown. He left even though he knew I wasn’t well. I never forgave him for that. Dreadful days of waiting began. A week can seem like forever. I was sitting there, totally apathetic, not oblivious of anything. Lucki- ly, my parents looked after Sabrina. I wasn’t able to. I felt as if my best friend had died. Then he came back, tanned and told me with a grin on his face who had slept with which Thai girl. He of all people was supposed to have been the only one who was faithful? Ralf had a sister and a brother. Both were married. The brother, his name was Udo, was a right heartthrob. He looked great and he really knew it. He had short, black hair and he didn’t miss out on any opportunity to touch me somehow or he kept on making suggestive offers, which I found embarrassing in the company of the others. I told Ralf about it and he laughed at me. But not for long, because when he observed it more, he quickly noticed that I was right.

We all wanted to go to the disco together and they were supposed stay overnight at our place. Udo was eager to dance with me and I said no, in order to not get into trouble. In spite of that, Ralf was still very jealous and kept on insulting me, which is why I wanted to leave.

This time I had the apartment key. He caught up with me very angrily and grabbed my arm. I pulled away and carried on. Then he said furiously: “You’re not going to make me look silly again!” And I said: “You make yourself look silly!” I guess that was too much. He slapped me across the face and he pulled me along behind him. The others will still there and I was crying to myself the whole time. Ralf then found out that something was going on between his wife and her boss and that his children already called him Dad. Why on earth all this childish fuss about their parents?

Ralf was an insurance agent for a large Hamburg-based insurance company, was very successful because he had the gift of the gab and he lured people away from other insurance companies. That only went well until the law banned this. Now that was it. He had quit his good job as a janitor at a nursery school far too early. Unfortunately, I couldn’t prevent it because he never listened to me. When I got to know him, he drove a VW Golf – an employee’s car.

He always said it was a slow motor. I found the car good and it was a relatively new car. That’s why I couldn’t understand why he came back one day with a Golf GTI. The car was nine years old, but most important of all, a lot of horse power under the bonnet. Stupid, isn’t it? It didn’t take long until the doors didn’t close properly. He had an accident, broke the axis and the frame was distorted. He had been drink-driving, what else is there to say? He sold his clunker and bought a Trabant, almost new, for 4000 German Marks. That was proof that a brain can have space for so much stupidity. I organized a job for him in the hotel where I was training. The work was hard labour but it wasn’t meant to be for ever.

Then a letter arrived from a car dealer’s in Mag- deburg where he had ordered a brand new Mazda 323F, stating that he now had to pay 5000 German Marks compensation because he no longer wanted it. That was the renowned last straw. I couldn’t handle it anymore. We wanted to go to the disco and I had already got myself ready. That’s when he said he didn’t feel like going out. I had to go out and I didn’t care whether I went alone. And I went on my own.